I keep a book, handwritten if you can fathom that antiquated method of documentation, which captures all the wonderful things my children say. All too often, their hilarious comments and observations are quickly forgotten, so I try to write them down immediately.

Someday I will give them the book (by that time, perhaps I will have transcribed another copy) so they can enjoy all of their quotes.

It's been a while since I've shared the collection, so I'll list a few of the more recent ones.


May 14, 2008

Haddie broke the lightbulb in her lamp. They were both very concerned that I would be mad, and I could hear Andy talking to her as I approached the room. He said, "Haddie, I want to tell you something about lies and truths. Well, accidents CAN happen sometimes, but not really lies, but purposes can happen, too."


May 30, 2009

I was singing while doing the dishes. Haddie said, very sternly, "No, Mommy. This is NOT American Idol."

Everyone's a critic.


June 12, 2008

I was sharpening my kitchen knife with a sharpening stick (it clangs and sounds like swords). Andy asked what I was doing and when I told him, he said, "Oh. It sounded like you were fighting evil."


June 28, 2008

Andy: Mommy, I love you. I'll always be with you. When I'm a father and have kids, I'll still be with you. Yeah. And when I'm a father and Haddie's a mother and we have kids together, we'll still live with you, okay?


April 29, 2009

I told Andy that I have another infection under my arm and that I needed help with the chores. He said, very seriously, "Well, Mommy, if it gets really bad, you'll have to cut your arm off, you know."


June 6, 2009

Andy slipped and fell on his hip. He got up rubbing it and said, "Ow! I hurt the left ankle of my butt!"


June 14, 2009

In school, the kids have studied bugs and learned that each bug has a different name. We had a rogue mosquito in the house and I couldn't kill it. After swatting and missing, I lost track of it. I said (to myself, under my breath) "Where is the little bastard?"

When I couldn't find it, I turned my attention to something else. A few minutes later, Haddie got excited. She said, "Mommy! Right there! There's the Little Bastard!"

Andy said, "I see it! I see the Little Bastard! Kill it!

They thought a "little bastard" was a type of mosquito.


June 30, 2009

When Haddie awoke, she had four mosquito bites on her face. She said, "Mommy, was it that Little Master you tried to kill? Did you kill that Little Master, or is this a new Little Master?"

Andy corrected her. "No, Haddie! It's a Little BASTARD! Mommy, did you kill that Little Bastard, or is this a new Little Bastard?"

Haddie cocked her head in confusion. "Oh. I thought it was called a Little Master..."


June 16, 2009

Andy was carrying around his CD/radio combo, trying to make it play.

Andy: Mommy, back in the old days, how did people use their radios without plugs?
Me: They didn't. Not before plugs were invented.
Andy: No, I mean, back in the Ninja Turtle days, how did they carry their radios around and play music?
Me: Oh! You mean the guys carrying big boom boxes?
Andy: Yeah! In the Ninja Turtle live-action movie days.
Me: They used batteries.
Andy: OH!!! (chuckles to himself)


June 19, 2009

While closing the lid to the plastic rice container, I accidentally snapped a piece off. Haddie, who was standing behind me watching, tutted. "Uh oh, Mommy. Now you're gonna have to pay for that."


June 19, 2009

The kids make "pets" out of almost everything. The dead (and nasty, stinky, decaying) toad they brought in today. The Daddy Long-legs in the bathroom. The palmetto bugs on the porch.

While playing outside, they brought in a chunk of rock, about the size of a paperweight.

Haddie was playing with it and I heard her say, "I think it's not really a rock. It's a pet meteor."


June 20, 2009

I'm reading Harry Potter to Andy and I tend to develop a British accent, even when I'm trying not to.

Andy said to me, "Mommy, speak regular. You know, like a normal human."


July 4, 2009

Terry accidentally broke my favorite coffee mug this morning. He felt really bad about it and apologized for being clumsy.

Andy, trying to make him feel better, said, "It's okay, Daddy. Sometimes I get clumsy, too, when I'm drunk."

I asked him what he gets drunk on. He said, "Oh, milk and juice and stuff like that."

Supporting Writers

As a writer myself, I'm all about supporting new authors. Here are a few books I'm recommending, partly because I have some vague connection to the author, and partly because they really do look like great reads. Note: I have not actually read them yet, but I have pre-ordered my copies.

Firstly, we have Mind Games, by new author, Carolyn Crane. She is the wife of my online bf's bro (yeah, kinda like "My sister's nephew's brother's cousin's former roommate"...). Bantam picked her up and I'm so happy for her!




Next we have my good friend, known to the world as Shadiya Ray. Her book, A Taste of Blood, is a new release from Lulu. Who can resist a good vampire tale?
http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fStoreID=2286630&fMode=edit


Last but not least, my hubby's good bud and accomplished poet Robert Gray has published a new book of poetry.
http://negativecapabilitypress.org/drew1.html

Please support these three talented people!

Stylish Reading

My four year old Haddie, stretched out on the sofa as though lounging at the beach, had a book in her hands. A rather large, klunky book. Opening it to a center page, she peered at me over the top.

"Mommy, aren't I stylish?" she cooed, cocking her head in posing.

I laughed. "Yes you are stylish. Reading is very stylish. But what book are you reading?"

"It's my favorite book. It's called Numbers," she replied.

"Oh. But doesn't the title read 501 Japanese Verbs?" I hinted.

Raising her eyebrows, she examined the cover title. "Oh yeah! It's Japanese. But it also has numbers in it." She pointed to a page number proudly, to prove her point.

I'm so glad she finds the page numbers of her favorite book to be so interesting.

They Don't Have Nintendo in Heaven?

Andy said to me, "But Mommy, I don't WANT to die. Because I won't be able to play my DS anymore."

I'm glad he's got his life priorities in order.

:)

The First Engrish?

Yet another hilarious book for your perusal. As a fan of Engrish.com, I appreciate the unintentional humor in linguistics. While not of Japanese origin, this book just may be the first kind of "Engrish".

This is Amazon's description:
In 1855, when Jose da Fonseca and Pedro Carolino wrote an English phrasebook for Portuguese students, they faced just one problem: they didn't know any English. Even worse, they didn't own an English-to-Portuguese dictionary. What they did have, though, was a Portuguese-to-French dictionary, and a French-to-English dictionary. The linguistic train wreck that ensued is a classic of unintentional humor, now revived in the first newly selected edition in a century. Armed with Fonseca and Carolino's guide, a Portuguese traveler can insult a barber ("What news tell me? All hairs dresser are newsmonger"), complain about the orchestra ("It is a noise which to cleve the head"), go hunting ("let aim it! let make fire him"), and consult a handy selection of truly mystifying "Idiotisms and Proverbs."

Ben Franklin loves to fart!

Can you imagine anyone more wonderful than a brilliant historical figure who speaks openly of farting and nudity?



If you're not familiar with Ben Franklin, beyond what the history books teach, you should check out books like this. He was a gas (pun intended)!

How to Good-Bye Depression

This has to be the funniest book I've ever seen. It's called How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 times Everyday. Malarky? Or effective way?

Read the blurb, but also read the reviews, which are, IMO, just as funny as the book premise.

I think there is some manner of conspiracy afoot. Have you noticed how fast time is moving these days? I'm not the only reporting such awareness, either. It's happening everywhere, to everyone. It must be an evil alien plot to speed up time!

It's been six months since my grandfather died and I realized that my last post on this blog was several weeks before that. In fact, the last post (the music video) was really intended as a message to him, to make him feel better as his impending demise drew closer. Now it's been six months since he died and I'm trying to figure out where time went. So much has happened in such a short time, I wouldn't even know where to begin.

At any rate, I have determined to keep this blog up-to-date more often, as it's rather devoid of posts. That said, I need to get back to class and am out of me-time. I'll leave you with a few recent quotes from Andy and Haddie. I'll post a true update another time.

I recorded these gems during our car-trip last week to central Pennsylvania.


Andy: How long do humans last?
(In his mind, humans are indistinguishable from androids)

*******

Haddie: Mommy, is the Easter Bunny real?
Me: What do YOU think?
Andy: I think he's got to be real, cuz he brings.....umm....Easter things.
Haddie: He brings toys.
Andy: Yeah. So he has to be real. SOMEONE has to do that.
Me: Well, if he's not real, who brings your Easter basket?
Andy: Well, someone does. Maybe a delivery man?


*******

Early in the month, we began marking off the days until our Easter trip so the kids could see when we were leaving. We forgot to mark off the last 2 days, as we were so busy preparing and packing. In mid-Virginia, Andy remembered that we hadn't marked them off. He insisted that we should drive back home to mark the days off "so we know it's time to leave."

********

Haddie didn't have to pee at one rest stop, but a few miles down the road decided that she had to go after all. She said, "Let's go back to that pee place."


*******

Raisinettes = Snackerettes (Andy)

********

We live in Alabama, where spring has been with us for a few months now. The temperature in PA was in the 40's, so it was much colder than we're used to. Upon exiting the car into the frigid night, Andy jumped back inside and shut the door. He exclaimed, "It was freezing out there in that death! This is the coldest I've ever felt in my life!! It's the freezing death!"


*********


In the bathroom at a rest stop, Andy noticed the scales that require money for a reading. He wanted to weigh himself.

Terry: No, Andy. You have to pay for that. We don't want to pay money for silly stuff.
Andy: Oh, Daddy! You never have money for silly stuff.


*******

We were driving over the mountain between Pleasant Gap and Centre Hall and pointed out the view to the kids. The mountainside road overlooks a big broad valley below (where they set up the Grange Fair, if you know the area). No buildings, just expansive, open farmland. Andy said, in awe, "Whoa! Look at the city!"

Guess his social studies didn't sink in, huh? LOL



*******

We were walking around Penn State campus when a UPS truck passed by.

Andy: Hey, look, mommy! It's the man-in-brown! Is he here to bring me something?
Me: Why would you think that? You don't live here.
Andy: Oh. But he always comes to bring me my toys when I lose them.

(explanation: whenever Andy leaves a toy, socks, etc at my mom's house, she always send them to us via UPS)

********

And, to finish up, I can't remember the day she said this, but a few months ago, Haddie was watching tv with us and a pic of Saddam Hussein came on the screen. Haddie pointed at the tv in excitement and said, "Hey! That looks like my Daddy!"

Here is an autumn shout-out to all my Crunchy Roll friends!! These are a few of our recent pics set to music from Saiunkoku Monogatari. Enjoy!